Emotional abuse on my (one month) anniversary

............by a four year old. Actually, he isn't even 4 yet. But Toby is a genius at making me feel like I want to cry, and that I am not wanted here. I know, he's 4. It's a developmental stage. I asked m mom, horrified, it I was like that sure I would never be capable of being so horrible to people I love. She said that whenever my Grandma would come over I would run away and clutch onto her leg. And furthermore, that, "And yes...you....and probably every 4 year old does WHATEVER they can do to get non-stop-full-time ATTENTION!!! If I was on the phone...you would immediately start tugging & talking & doing whatever you could to get me away from a phone conversation ("Mommy..Mommy...Mommy would be non-stop until I got off the phone or stopped talking to Sheila or whoever...It's a 4 year old thing!) & back to giving you attention."


But Toby, he can be really horrible. If I ask him what he did at school, he'll say, "I DON'T want to tell you." Or if Michelle (mom) suggests we do something, he'll retort, '' Only if Meggie doesn't go." Or if he's feeling especially méchant (mean) he'll just outright tell me "I don't like you, you're not my friend, I am going to cut off all your hair and put you in the sea." I have to keep a straight face and try not to laugh at these last two...but when he just point blank recoils from me, and just screams in my face "I want Flora" (their housekeeper), I just feel defeated. Benji is much nicer to me, but he's very cool-headed, and not very affectionate. Toby can be a "cuddly koala bear" (he looks like one too), or a volatile little monster. I just hope that it doesn't take 8 months for the kids to really warm up to me, when it'll be nearly time for me to leave.

Last night (friday sept. 1) was the circus. What a different experience viewing a circus not only as an adult, but in a different cultural context. The "MC's" were two ridiculous men dressed up as police for the zone douane, or the border patrol. Their main schtick was to make fun of anyone/anything who was not Swiss and it had some seriously racist over tones-- you would NEVER see something like this in the States; I would be surprised if it weren't illegal.

And then there were the animals. Incredibly beautiful horses, llamas, and elephants were paraded around the ring. Since we were only 3 rows back, you could see every detail of their inane performance. I particularly despised the llamas, there they made the brown ones kneel (looked unnatural and painful), and the white ones jump over. They had the horses do this stupid act where they would stop their galloping around the circle, dim the lights and music and have them lay down. They then put pillows under their heads like they were going to "fais dodo" (go to sleep). Awww, how cute. Yeah, no. It was sickening. The horse trainer was the worst. Big fat, sweaty man who looked luck a stuffed sausage in his gaudy, purple suit. I was secretly rooting for the horses to break formation and maul him. It didn't happen last night, but I've still got my fingers crossed.

The human part was pretty cool. They had some great acrobats, which is what really made the show for me. Except for the 10 yr old girl, who was the "centerpiece" of all these acts, twisting and contorting her body in ways that I didn't know were possible, and which certainly not be good for a little girls developing body. I had to wonder, how much choice did/does she have in wanting to devote her young years to possibly injuring herself in a small potatoes, tacky Swiss circus company?

So new view on circuses: they are a fun spectacle for kids to watch...but I never want to see one again unless it involves no animals, and only humans over the age of 18.